Editor's note: Please bear in mind that the author is writing from a heterosexual male Dom/fem sub point of view.

For me, believe it or not - punishment is not a major factor of the BDSM lifestyle. Lets take a look at "why" it is not. For starters, punishment comes about from what - disobeying or nor following rules; by not following the expectations of the Dominant; willful disrespect. As some of you know I live by the philosophy of building a submissive up - not tearing them down. I totally disagree with 101 rules for your submissive, until such a time she can feasibly FOLLOW 101 rules. I tend to state only a couple of rules at the beginning of a relationship and get the submissive following these rules. Once she has gotten these rules down I add a couple more. The object is to NOT set the submissive up for failure. Giving a submissive a 101 rules is setting them up for failure and in my opinion tearing them down instead of building them up. As far as expectations go, if you and your submissive aren't 100% sure of them - get there.

So what happens when a submissive meets one of the criteria of punishment? The punishment will be memorable. As my submissive will tell you, she has had to endure very few punishments in the 2 1/2 years we have been together - and they were ALL memorable.

Breaking rules to me happens very rarely and when you have few rules they happen due to bad hair days (not that I consider this an excuse - only an explanation) or just general inattentiveness. I tend to use lecture and corner time or if in the evenings sleeping at my feet. Not meeting expectations results in some corporal punishment - 99% of the time with paddles as this is melly's hateful toy. Willful disrespect.. Now this to me is the cause of the greatest punishments.

Fortunately for melly and I, this has only happened once and the result was the temporary loss of her online use of my collar. As she would point out, it was a very embarrassing time for her as we know many of our r/l friends who come online to chat with us. Punishments, in my opinion, need to be severe - they also need to apply to only the few things that would get the submissive in major trouble. Otherwise it is discipline the submissive should receive - those attention getters us Dominants know how to use so well<g>.

Punishment is a serious step, because by its nature it is NOT friendly. It is NOT nice. And despite those times you see subs online begging for punishment - is most definitely NOT fun. I actually red flag submissives who "yearn" constant punishment - I understand "why", but heavy scening or a scene meant to give the submissive tearful release in my opinion is so much better a release - and more caring and loving. I also red flag those Dominants who at the slightest wrong move feel they have to "punish" a submissive. That’s not our place in the world in my opinion - our place is to build up and how do you build up someone who is constantly being punished? One should use the attention grabbers - the hard swat, the few minutes in a corner, the "look" in these times. And subs? Let's be smart about this - especially you women - you KNOW when you are pushing a man's or a Dominant's buttons - let's just NOT go there. There are other ways of getting what you want than by setting yourself up for failure. Men - same thing. Dominants know how to push the submissive's buttons as well. Lets not - this again sets them up for failure.

Now I know many of you will have disagreed with some of my assessments and to head this wrong message off - was written from a male Dom/fem sub point of view, though I believe that it can be held equally well with FemDom/male sub points of view as well. Anyway this has been my opinion and I hope some of you may have even learned a nugget or two from it.

Until later,
© 2001 Sam aka MstrCerebus