When I look deeply within your eyes,
I see the world opening beneath your feet,
I see the lifting of the veil,
I see your heart pounding faster.
I see the tension release with your sighs,
I see the cauldron within you fill with heat,
I see you’re past pains fade and pale,
I see in your soul that you accept me as your Master!
Ever see two people talking together, where the sentences become more
and more truncated, each able to see what the other is saying even before
it is out of their mouths. I am not speaking of when two people are trying
to speak for the other and not listening to what is being said. I am speaking
of those precious moments when you and another are in near perfect state
of harmony or rapport. It is what it is like when your scene goes the
way it should.
When playing (working) with another, one strives to reach a point of rapport
with the other, where sublime and subtitle primal messages are relayed
back and forth from the bottom and the top, slave to the Master. These
communiqués are very powerful as they are ethereal, one can see
the interaction from a distance but not feel more than the energy of that
interaction not the messages or the visceral essence contained within
them. Granted one can appreciate and enjoy even soak up the energies of
those in this state of being. It is very difficult to express or explain
to someone who asks; “how do you do that, and how can I learn?”
though that is what I will attempt to do here.
I have been asked as I am sure many of you have been, by those who are
just learning, how can you know what to do next, where to strike, where
to caress, what to say and when to back away. It comes from experience;
yes but that does not say much, to one who is striving to learn. We do
not need to be that Shaolin Monk mystic who speaks in riddles or the vague
obvious statements. “Patience my son, all things come with time…”
Patience my ass, I’m gonna beat something until I learn… not
what we really want to foster. So I have looked and disassembled what
I sense and why from my own perspective.
First it starts with my partner:
I listen to them, not just when they are speaking to me but when they
are doing the quiet mundane things as well.
I watch what they do and how they do it, even if it is something as simple
as the daily chores or laundry or dishes.
I feel their body, it’s movements, the little twitches and shivers
that my fingers may elicit from their skin, I watch them as they approach
varying levels of arousal and how each climax is achieved and how each
is unique to the stimulations received and to the moment, or state of
their emotions at the time. (Someone having a bad day at work will react
differently than one who was having a great day.)
I ask questions, yeah the usual ones, and then some more. I wish to learn
what makes them tick, what makes them think they are happy and what really
I strive to understand, knowing I am not a mind reader, and that what
I think I know may not always be 100% correct, I understand that I must
adapt my own strategies for when things start to go south. I watch them
sleep, eat, bathe, nothing is too mundane, for all gives me some more
insights about their essence. It is a good idea to have them do the same
Then it continues with me:
I look at what it is that I want, I look and try to separate the fantasy
from the reality, and because I can want a truckload of fantasy…
well I can. Take polyamory for an example, most of the world allows for
multiple wives or in some places husbands i.e. Tibet, but just because
they allow them does not mean that the majority can practice it. Fantasy
vs. reality, you can have more than one wife as long as you can provide
for both or more, the reality is that most can not afford it. So I must
look closely at what is truly within my realm of reality.
I look at what my partner is looking for, are they looking for a chance
to offer submission, service, sex, or are they looking to find these things.
Granted some one out there may not agree with me on finding what the slave/sub
or bottom are looking for. That is fine that is your world, I will speak
of mine. Is this scene for a cathartic release, and end of the day stress
relief, a ritual, a sign of their devotion, their service to me or many
other factors and/or combinations.
Is it is a long-term relationship or a quick play partner? This helps
determine to me what levels I will be working from; a long-term relationship
has a steadier progressive incline with some down turns as is true in
any relationship. While with a quick play partner, I ask why, what and
how hard questions. I then can bring them to their peak by the answers
given, some need rapid ascents and others need slow build-ups.
But the main thing is with all of these things, they still won’t
mean much unless you can learn empathy and practice your rapport skills,
one can have the best toys and the greatest of technical skills but if
you can not feel where the other is at, at any given time, during the
scene, then you will feel an absence, a void and maybe a new partner.
Here is an exercise for building rapport, sit across from someone face-to-face
or even let’s say at a park you sitting on one bench and the other
person across the path from you. This can be done with people you’ve
never met; it is also good for PR people or sales work.
1. Observe the way that they are sitting, assume the same or a similar
position, do not stare! But if they make eye contact make contact in the
same style as they do. Note the leg placement, the arms.
2. Observe their breathing, match your pattern of breathing to theirs.
3. Observe mannerisms, model or mirror them, do not mock or exaggerate
4. Soon they will notice you and your body language that matches theirs,
if they speak, observe the way that they say things; slow and quiet, fast
and loud and when you respond speak as they do, do not speak in the same
accent as they may have for that is not right, you are you and they are
5. Fairly soon you will be able to notice that you are in a state of rapport
with them. You may start to understand whom is this person sitting across
6. Now do this with your partner and soon you will find that you can sense
things by their body language far better than just the spoken word. The
spoken word is not to be ignored here either this is an enhancement to
the understanding of the art of communication.
Now this is just a step towards building that nonverbal communication
between you and your partner, for as time goes on…(yeah I know,
I know) you will find that when they move this way it is because that
last strike was a sweet spot or a sore spot, when they start to breathe
in a certain manner it could mean they are on the verge of tears, or dynamic
tension release. Soon you will find that when you have finished a scene
someone may approach you and ask: “Sir/Mam excuse me, but how do
you do those things that you do?”
Take Care and be well.
And as always: take what you like, leave what you don’t.
“What colour is a Dragon my son?”
“Crimson, Master, Bloody crimson, no matter what doth the eyes say"