Personal Changes In BDSM
Author: Aylissa Cair © 2000
used with permission
Over the last few weeks, I've been thinking quite a lot, about what changes we go through over time, from when we first learn about BDSM , d/s, and s/m. When people are involved in BDSM things change over time. With more experience in the BDSM lifestyle, comes different points of view, different activities they enjoy and often more thrill seeking. These things happen because everyone grows with time, and in BDSM there are so many things to try that growth can continue almost forever.
Allot of people's first reactions to BDSM, usually consist of disbelief, shock, and general discomfort with the idea that they could fit into the category of dominant or submissive and/ or masochist or sadist. Then comes the curiosity, the need to understand and know more about what it is that your feelings mean. And of course, there is always the need there is to be normal, which is often a deterrent to even consider this type of lifestyle choice. Over time and with experience, these thoughts and first impressions change for everyone involved in BDSM.
Often people go through the first reaction that is along the lines of NO, that couldn't possibly ever be anything I could enjoy, need or want in my life. Over time and learning more about bdsm in general they will find what aspects of it do fit them. Which isn't to say those likes and dislikes, or wants and needs will not and should not change over time. If the desire or natural inclination is there, it's very hard to resist, the desire to investigate these different types of behaviors. I spent quite awhile reading, investigating, looking for ways that I fit into the description of submissive. In some ways, I have always, in others I do not. Over time I came to accept and enjoy what I am. With more experience I found that many of the activities I hated when I first heard of them, are now ones I enjoy and crave. Those activities do not match for every person, nor do they have to.
it change? Well, just as there is the desire to ignore the needs and thoughts
that differ from "normal" society, there is also the desire to follow
ones own needs. If this is done in a safe, and well thought out manner,
allot of good can come of it. Dominant/submissive relationships can and
often are very healthy, in that trust is a major foundation of them.
Of course there is the other side of the coin, when people abuse such
relationships for quick kinky sex, and or other darker needs, including
and up to death. That is why precautions must be taken beforehand to insure
both participants safety and well being. It can also change because as
time goes on a person can learn to accept the things they have discovered
in themselves, and thus realize they are not crazy or anything like that,
just different. And being different is not a bad thing. For many BDSM
is a thrill, and the changes occur when they decide to actively seek those
thrills. For many who enjoy pain play, it can take more and more to achieve
the same affect one used to have. Can you go to far to seek the thrill
that you first got when trying something. Yes I honestly think that it
might be a possibility, some people are constantly reaching to prove that
they can take more, do better, prove their submission as it were. That
they forget safety measures that can and will in allot of cases protect
their lives and or their mental health.
Is it really
too far? If you're safe? (YOUR idea of safe)
such a thing as discussing TO much, I certainly think so, I think in some
cases, things are so over discussed, and no I do not mean that safety
should not be discussed, but when it becomes you know every single little
tiny thing that has happened to other people, could happen to you, Might
happen to you, it often causes more fear for some then it alleviates.
For the most part, none of the things I first learned in relation to BDSM, are a instant “NO” with me. There are still things I do not believe I would ever enjoy, However, I do not rule out the possibility that I may at some time in the future, find someone I wish to do those things simply for their pleasure. Everyone changes. As long as you exist, you should enjoy the things you can.