Discussion 44: BDSM Overload

February 18, 2001
BDSM Overload

[21:14] * raven^Ron says Hello and welcome to #Leather_and_Roses' weekly discussions on BDSM topics. I hope you enjoy it. The following rules apply for all present.
[21:14] <raven^Ron> You must be of legal age to participate, if you are not, please leave. Legal age being 18 or 21 depending on your location, if you are thought to be younger, you will be asked your age. If you are found to be younger, you will be kick/banned.
[21:14] <raven^Ron> No trolling will be tolerated, this is not a singles night, it is a discussion night Trolling is the advertising of yourself, wants/needs/desires, and/or personal ads. If you troll, you will be kick/banned.
[21:14] <raven^Ron> Harassment will not be tolerated either. If you harass another person, and an op is made aware of it, you will be asked to stop. If you continue, you will be kick/banned. This discussion is for enjoyment and information, not harassment.
[21:14] <raven^Ron> Please try to stay on topic and discuss one thread at a time. If the discussion gets overly fast (or overly emotional, or someone requests a break), I will call a break. This is so everyone can take a few moments to relax, and get their thoughts in order before continuing.
[21:14] <raven^Ron> If it erodes into a semantics argument, and those who are disagreeing can not agree to disagree, I will close the discussion for the night. We are here to discuss and learn from one anther, not fight with one another.
[21:14] <raven^Ron> Please be polite when speaking and do not flame anyone. Flaming is insulting the person who states an idea. You can disagree with an idea, but do not attack the person making the idea. Flamers, will be kicked
[21:15] <raven^Ron> All statements are publishable on the web site,. I will change nicks if it is requested via email to ravenshad@mindspring.com. If I receive no requests, logs will be published in full on the web site and the lack of a request will be taken as consent to publish your statements.
[21:15] <raven^Ron> I hope you enjoy tonight's discussion, the topic is BDSM Overload
[21:15] <raven^Ron> Lets start with this...what do you think overload means?
[21:15] <{sonja}JP> hmmmmmmmmm tooo much?
[21:15] <ayli> when you simply can not handle anything more?
[21:15] <morgyn_BL> overload, too much to handle... in excess of
[21:16] <raven^Ron> Ron: Too much of a good thing
[21:16] <veronica> too much of anything
[21:16] <morgyn_BL> or too much of a bad thing
[21:16] <{sonja}JP> stop Ron...
[21:16] <raven^Ron> can one have overload of BDSM
[21:16] <miria{RH}> Building your life way to much around BDSM and burning out?
[21:16] <raven^Ron> yup
[21:16] <morgyn_BL> yes, definatly!
[21:16] <ayli> yes, I would think so raven
[21:16] <missyinchains> yes i believe so
[21:16] <raven^Ron> How?
[21:16] <ayli> when you forget that real life Has to happen sometimes.
[21:16] <raven^Ron> I agree ayli
[21:16] <{sonja}JP> around what part of BDSM?
[21:17] <raven^Ron> Ron: when the spankings stop having any sensation at all you've had too much...LOL
[21:17] <raven^Ron> cute Ron..
[21:17] <ayli> it's nice to think of being chained up and naked on the floor 24/7.. but the bills gotta get paid, the kids need to eat..
[21:17] <{sonja}JP> the play part?
[21:17] <raven^Ron> How about in general for now...BDSM as a whole
[21:17] <{sonja}JP> cause i dont think "building your life around submission" is gonna burn you out
[21:17] <missyinchains> well i think sometimes yah need some time to yourself and often a M/s relationship doesn't give you that
[21:17] <miria{RH}> as wonderful as it is we all still need the vanilla or 'normal aspects to enjoy and apreciate the lifestyle aspects
[21:17] <{sonja}JP> anymore than building your life around a marriage would....
[21:18] <bella{D}> but that doesn't have to be a 'break'...
[21:18] <raven^Ron> why not sonja?
[21:18] <raven^Ron> I agree with that missy..so what happens then?
[21:18] <bella{D}> time for self can be built into the dynamic..as can 'down' time or 'vanilla' time.
[21:18] <raven^Ron> true bella
[21:18] <{sonja}JP> because if it is a part of you.....its a part of you....
[21:18] <missyinchains> well in my case i get grumpy and accused of coping an attitude
[21:18] <MstrJP> good one hun
[21:18] <MstrJP> :)
[21:18] <{sonja}JP> what the heck is vanilla time??........LOL........./me imagines icecream
[21:19] <ayli> lost my train of thought
[21:19] <{sonja}JP> tY
[21:19] <ayli> time when you have to step out of role.. you can't constatly be carrying around a whip and expecting someone to kneel to you
[21:19] <raven^Ron> I don't know sonja, I think one can overload on BDSM....even if submission is part of who the person is, one might be able to reach a point where they've submitted too often and need a break.
[21:19] <bella{D}> In our dynamic, there is no 'off' time when we are not who we are...
[21:19] <{sonja}JP> ayli......we know what track your mind is on....
[21:19] <morgyn_BL> doesn't it get hard to make time for oneself, when everything mounts up??
[21:19] <raven^Ron> yes morgyn_BL
[21:19] <miria{RH}> lol....time out for you to be just you...not someones wife.....sub..mom...slave whatever....
[21:19] <ayli> sometimes you have to be the one who does as they are told (office and such)
[21:19] <{sonja}JP> ahhhh......miria.....thats a bit different.....
[21:19] <ayli> brb- getting coffee
[21:19] <bella{D}> morgyn...that is more true for me of motherhood than of bdsm...lol
[21:20] <morgyn_BL> i find "downtime" not an easy thing to ask for....
[21:20] <raven^Ron> but even in such a relationship bella, don't the people involved need time just for them?
[21:20] <morgyn_BL> bella: i have this problem with work & school right now =-)
[21:20] <bella{D}> yes...but that doesn't havve to intefere with the dynamic, it is a built in part of it
[21:20] <{sonja}JP> yeah......but that is not a break from submission...really
[21:20] <{sonja}JP> right.......
[21:20] <raven^Ron> true...and I think time for oneself needs to be part of any relationship. I think it helps prevent overload..
[21:20] <{sonja}JP> for example.......
[21:21] <{sonja}JP> going off and having lunch/a few drinks with girlfriends.........
[21:21] <{sonja}JP> break from "life"
[21:21] <{sonja}JP> but not necessarily a break from submission.....
[21:21] <raven^Ron> ummm..if one is taking a break from "life" and submission is part of that "life" then wouldn't submission be included in what the person is taking a break from?
[21:22] <morgyn_BL> one would think...
[21:22] <{sonja}JP> to me.......a break from submission would be........ok......today......i want to do what i want....and i dont want to follow any orders....
[21:22] <bella{D}> i have in fact been 'ordered' to take more 'me' time....
[21:22] <{sonja}JP> and that is not something i would really want to do.....
[21:22] <raven^Ron> it could be that sonja...but I think it's more accurate within d/s relationships to say it's "me' time..
[21:22] <MstrJP> and following that order is submitting..
[21:22] <morgyn_BL> i personally find it VERY difficult to take a "break" from the lifestyle but stay submissive at the same time, when i take a break i usually have to take a break as awhole for it to be effective
[21:22] <raven^Ron> makes sense morgyn_BL
[21:23] <raven^Ron> if one defines themselves as a submissive person, then no you can'tt ake a break from that beacuse no matter where you go you (a submissive) are still there..
[21:23] <morgyn_BL> hence why we take vacations from work and such... example spring break from school...
[21:23] * {sonja}JP thinks Master must be too easy on me........havent needed a break yet....lol
[21:23] <{sonja}JP> brb
[21:23] <raven^Ron> however, one can take a break from overt shows of submission or domination..take some "me" time I suppose
[21:23] <missyinchains> that is a good point {sonja}JP i think what it is is a break from the normal relationship...the day to day stuff...one can still be submissive and have a break
[21:25] <raven^Ron> ok..you live BDSM, you dsicuss bdsm, all your friends are involved in BDSM...can all that get to be too much?
[21:25] <{sonja}JP> i dunnol........i actually find it amusing how LITTLE we talk about BDSM in the room......
[21:25] <MstrJP> hehe
[21:25] * raven^Ron giggles
[21:25] <morgyn_BL> what about guidleines, or rules established? such as no panties can be worn under a dress or skirt... do you just wears pants the day you take a break or still follow that rule?
[21:25] <raven^Ron> yeah..me too catually
[21:25] <morgyn_BL> do you take a break from the guidleines as well?
[21:26] * {sonja}JP giggles at morgyn........
[21:26] * morgyn_BL smiles
[21:26] <{sonja}JP> now.........where DID i put those panties......
[21:26] <raven^Ron> I tend to stil follow the rules, though if I really feel I need a break, I ask...it becomes Ron's decision whether or not to give me that break...
[21:26] <ayli> welll.. we get.. sundays "off" so..
[21:26] <miria{RH}> no.....i would still follow all the rules......they are apart of who i am now and a daily habit now
[21:26] <ayli> Ron runs around and chases kids
[21:26] <raven^Ron> I get Sunday's off from housework ayli..but not the rules that are specific for me..
[21:26] <raven^Ron> LOL ayli
[21:27] <ayli> true..
[21:28] <raven^Ron> If one is feeling overloaded, how would you handle it?
[21:28] * {sonja}JP does think that the BDSM or Play part can be taken tooo far.......and therefore get overloaded
[21:28] <raven^Ron> Yeah it can sonja.. LOL
[21:28] <ayli> ask politely for a break?
[21:28] <morgyn_BL> well assuming one has good communication lines open in the relationship, talk about it.
[21:29] <raven^Ron> Ron: I would discuss it and possibly give a break until I said otherwise..let her get her feet back on the ground..
[21:29] <raven^Ron> works for me ayli :)
[21:29] <missyinchains> be open and honest and talk about your feelings
[21:29] <bellakitty> i just can't imagine needing a 'break'.....
[21:29] <raven^Ron> what if you're afriad of saying you're feeling overloaded, stressed out, or such??
[21:29] * morgyn_BL can....
[21:29] <{sonja}JP> ahhhhh
[21:29] <bellakitty> i can see needing to discuss things.
[21:29] <raven^Ron> Ron: If you're afraid of saying that, something else is wrong because you should be able to talk to your partner...
[21:29] <missyinchains> hmmm been there afraid to say anything negative
[21:29] <{sonja}JP> is that from BDSM or outside it ?
[21:29] <raven^Ron> yup
[21:30] <bellakitty> so was i missy...i just divorced him
[21:30] <{sonja}JP> lol
[21:30] * {sonja}JP raises her hand.......me tooooo
[21:30] * blackrose{LnR} glares at raven{Az} and mutters quietly..
[21:30] <raven^Ron> I walked out..couldn't divorce him..wasn't married to him.. LOL
[21:30] <raven^Ron> bot off
[21:30] * morgyn_BL left her fear in Texas =-)
[21:30] <blackrose{LnR}> Yes raven^Ron.
[21:30] <missyinchains> i just asked for and got my freedom back :-)
[21:30] <raven^Ron> Ron: Good for you morgyn_BL
[21:30] <raven^Ron> good for you missy :)
[21:30] * {sonja}JP is NOT scary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
[21:31] <raven^Ron> What about outsides tressors, can they make it more difficult to do the overt dominant or submissive actions?
[21:31] <raven^Ron> Ron: you mean like *kids*? <laugh>
[21:31] * missyinchains is kinda still out in never never land wondering what to do
[21:31] <raven^Ron> yeah that would be one of them...or jobs...or money or something...
[21:31] <{sonja}JP> yeah......they can....
[21:31] <morgyn_BL> yes
[21:32] <bellakitty> they do not make it more difficult for me TO submit, but they make it difficult to make the time for it.
[21:32] <raven^Ron> Sometimes, I find outside stressors make it difficult for me to obey/submit as easily ...
[21:32] <bellakitty> that is true raven...but Draco handles those times differently
[21:33] <raven^Ron> how does he handle them bella? (curious, you don't have to answer if it is too personal)
[21:33] <bellakitty> he can see what i need, sometimes more clearly than i can....
[21:33] <morgyn_BL> overt amounts of homework and stress at job can make it hard to let go... the feeling of responsibility and the NEED to get that stuff down hinders making time for BDSM
[21:33] <raven^Ron> usually others can see things about a person more readily than they can themselves...
[21:34] <bellakitty> like in that post......he can tell when i need to release thru tears...and will force them - sometimes thru gentleness, sometimes thru pain...many ways...
[21:34] <raven^Ron> ahhhhhhh..makes sense :))
[21:34] <bellakitty> So, rather than overload being bad...he will 'force' overload for my benefit...
[21:35] <raven^Ron> Ron: good point bella
[21:35] <bellakitty> As long as there is good communication - for me - i cannot see a reason for a 'break'
[21:35] <raven^Ron> Ahhh yes...that brings about the question of forced overload (sensory)....through scening or what have you...do you think it's a good thing or a bad thing?
[21:35] <bellakitty> overload is something to communicate is all
[21:35] <{sonja}JP> and i think they come naturally in a relationship...
[21:35] <bellakitty> it is an incredible thing.....*happy smiles*
[21:35] <morgyn_BL> well speaking of outside stresses.. ihave have to go finish homework for tomorrow and get ready for work... night yall!
[21:36] <freja{C}> good luck morgyn_BL
[21:36] * morgyn_BL hugs and waves to everyone...
[21:36] <missyinchains> i think forced overload could be both good and bad
[21:36] <raven^Ron> what comes naturally sonja?
[21:36] <raven^Ron> explain please missy
[21:36] <{sonja}JP> natural breaks
[21:37] <raven^Ron> brb
[21:37] * veronica needs to leave and tahnks everyone for a pleasant first visit... night all
[21:37] <bellakitty> i agree sonja....it is like an ebb and flow...
[21:37] <missyinchains> well if as a submissive i am not in the right mindset then forcing anything could be mentally bad...however if it is a learning experience and recognized as such the it is good
[21:39] <raven^Ron> I"m sorry all...but r/l has just exploded...I need to go...

	Presents: BDSM Discussion 44 BDSM Overload All Comments Posted Here With Permission Of The Participants
	February 18, 2001 BDSM Overload [21:14] * raven^Ron says Hello and welcome to #Leather_and_Roses' weekly discussions on BDSM topics. I hope you enjoy it. The following rules apply for all present. [21:14] <raven^Ron> You must be of legal age to participate, if you are not, please leave. Legal age being 18 or 21 depending on your location, if you are thought to be younger, you will be asked your age. If you are found to be younger, you will be kick/banned. [21:14] <raven^Ron> No trolling will be tolerated, this is not a singles night, it is a discussion night Trolling is the advertising of yourself, wants/needs/desires, and/or personal ads. If you troll, you will be kick/banned. [21:14] <raven^Ron> Harassment will not be tolerated either. If you harass another person, and an op is made aware of it, you will be asked to stop. If you continue, you will be kick/banned. This discussion is for enjoyment and information, not harassment. [21:14] <raven^Ron> Please try to stay on topic and discuss one thread at a time. If the discussion gets overly fast (or overly emotional, or someone requests a break), I will call a break. This is so everyone can take a few moments to relax, and get their thoughts in order before continuing. [21:14] <raven^Ron> If it erodes into a semantics argument, and those who are disagreeing can not agree to disagree, I will close the discussion for the night. We are here to discuss and learn from one anther, not fight with one another. [21:14] <raven^Ron> Please be polite when speaking and do not flame anyone. Flaming is insulting the person who states an idea. You can disagree with an idea, but do not attack the person making the idea. Flamers, will be kicked [21:15] <raven^Ron> All statements are publishable on the web site,. I will change nicks if it is requested via email to ravenshad@mindspring.com. If I receive no requests, logs will be published in full on the web site and the lack of a request will be taken as consent to publish your statements. [21:15] <raven^Ron> I hope you enjoy tonight's discussion, the topic is BDSM Overload [21:15] <raven^Ron> Lets start with this...what do you think overload means? [21:15] <{sonja}JP> hmmmmmmmmm tooo much? [21:15] <ayli> when you simply can not handle anything more? [21:15] <morgyn_BL> overload, too much to handle... in excess of [21:16] <raven^Ron> Ron: Too much of a good thing [21:16] <veronica> too much of anything [21:16] <morgyn_BL> or too much of a bad thing [21:16] <{sonja}JP> stop Ron... [21:16] <raven^Ron> can one have overload of BDSM [21:16] <miria{RH}> Building your life way to much around BDSM and burning out? [21:16] <raven^Ron> yup [21:16] <morgyn_BL> yes, definatly! [21:16] <ayli> yes, I would think so raven [21:16] <missyinchains> yes i believe so [21:16] <raven^Ron> How? [21:16] <ayli> when you forget that real life Has to happen sometimes. [21:16] <raven^Ron> I agree ayli [21:16] <{sonja}JP> around what part of BDSM? [21:17] <raven^Ron> Ron: when the spankings stop having any sensation at all you've had too much...LOL [21:17] <raven^Ron> cute Ron.. [21:17] <ayli> it's nice to think of being chained up and naked on the floor 24/7.. but the bills gotta get paid, the kids need to eat.. [21:17] <{sonja}JP> the play part? [21:17] <raven^Ron> How about in general for now...BDSM as a whole [21:17] <{sonja}JP> cause i dont think "building your life around submission" is gonna burn you out [21:17] <missyinchains> well i think sometimes yah need some time to yourself and often a M/s relationship doesn't give you that [21:17] <miria{RH}> as wonderful as it is we all still need the vanilla or 'normal aspects to enjoy and apreciate the lifestyle aspects [21:17] <{sonja}JP> anymore than building your life around a marriage would.... [21:18] <bella{D}> but that doesn't have to be a 'break'... [21:18] <raven^Ron> why not sonja? [21:18] <raven^Ron> I agree with that missy..so what happens then? [21:18] <bella{D}> time for self can be built into the dynamic..as can 'down' time or 'vanilla' time. [21:18] <raven^Ron> true bella [21:18] <{sonja}JP> because if it is a part of you.....its a part of you.... [21:18] <missyinchains> well in my case i get grumpy and accused of coping an attitude [21:18] <MstrJP> good one hun [21:18] <MstrJP> :) [21:18] <{sonja}JP> what the heck is vanilla time??........LOL........./me imagines icecream [21:19] <ayli> lost my train of thought [21:19] <{sonja}JP> tY [21:19] <ayli> time when you have to step out of role.. you can't constatly be carrying around a whip and expecting someone to kneel to you [21:19] <raven^Ron> I don't know sonja, I think one can overload on BDSM....even if submission is part of who the person is, one might be able to reach a point where they've submitted too often and need a break. [21:19] <bella{D}> In our dynamic, there is no 'off' time when we are not who we are... [21:19] <{sonja}JP> ayli......we know what track your mind is on.... [21:19] <morgyn_BL> doesn't it get hard to make time for oneself, when everything mounts up?? [21:19] <raven^Ron> yes morgyn_BL [21:19] <miria{RH}> lol....time out for you to be just you...not someones wife.....sub..mom...slave whatever.... [21:19] <ayli> sometimes you have to be the one who does as they are told (office and such) [21:19] <{sonja}JP> ahhhh......miria.....thats a bit different..... [21:19] <ayli> brb- getting coffee [21:19] <bella{D}> morgyn...that is more true for me of motherhood than of bdsm...lol [21:20] <morgyn_BL> i find "downtime" not an easy thing to ask for.... [21:20] <raven^Ron> but even in such a relationship bella, don't the people involved need time just for them? [21:20] <morgyn_BL> bella: i have this problem with work & school right now =-) [21:20] <bella{D}> yes...but that doesn't havve to intefere with the dynamic, it is a built in part of it [21:20] <{sonja}JP> yeah......but that is not a break from submission...really [21:20] <{sonja}JP> right....... [21:20] <raven^Ron> true...and I think time for oneself needs to be part of any relationship. I think it helps prevent overload.. [21:20] <{sonja}JP> for example....... [21:21] <{sonja}JP> going off and having lunch/a few drinks with girlfriends......... [21:21] <{sonja}JP> break from "life" [21:21] <{sonja}JP> but not necessarily a break from submission..... [21:21] <raven^Ron> ummm..if one is taking a break from "life" and submission is part of that "life" then wouldn't submission be included in what the person is taking a break from? [21:22] <morgyn_BL> one would think... [21:22] <{sonja}JP> to me.......a break from submission would be........ok......today......i want to do what i want....and i dont want to follow any orders.... [21:22] <bella{D}> i have in fact been 'ordered' to take more 'me' time.... [21:22] <{sonja}JP> and that is not something i would really want to do..... [21:22] <raven^Ron> it could be that sonja...but I think it's more accurate within d/s relationships to say it's "me' time.. [21:22] <MstrJP> and following that order is submitting.. [21:22] <morgyn_BL> i personally find it VERY difficult to take a "break" from the lifestyle but stay submissive at the same time, when i take a break i usually have to take a break as awhole for it to be effective [21:22] <raven^Ron> makes sense morgyn_BL [21:23] <raven^Ron> if one defines themselves as a submissive person, then no you can'tt ake a break from that beacuse no matter where you go you (a submissive) are still there.. [21:23] <morgyn_BL> hence why we take vacations from work and such... example spring break from school... [21:23] * {sonja}JP thinks Master must be too easy on me........havent needed a break yet....lol [21:23] <{sonja}JP> brb [21:23] <raven^Ron> however, one can take a break from overt shows of submission or domination..take some "me" time I suppose [21:23] <missyinchains> that is a good point {sonja}JP i think what it is is a break from the normal relationship...the day to day stuff...one can still be submissive and have a break [21:25] <raven^Ron> ok..you live BDSM, you dsicuss bdsm, all your friends are involved in BDSM...can all that get to be too much? [21:25] <{sonja}JP> i dunnol........i actually find it amusing how LITTLE we talk about BDSM in the room...... [21:25] <MstrJP> hehe [21:25] * raven^Ron giggles [21:25] <morgyn_BL> what about guidleines, or rules established? such as no panties can be worn under a dress or skirt... do you just wears pants the day you take a break or still follow that rule? [21:25] <raven^Ron> yeah..me too catually [21:25] <morgyn_BL> do you take a break from the guidleines as well? [21:26] * {sonja}JP giggles at morgyn........ [21:26] * morgyn_BL smiles [21:26] <{sonja}JP> now.........where DID i put those panties...... [21:26] <raven^Ron> I tend to stil follow the rules, though if I really feel I need a break, I ask...it becomes Ron's decision whether or not to give me that break... [21:26] <ayli> welll.. we get.. sundays "off" so.. [21:26] <miria{RH}> no.....i would still follow all the rules......they are apart of who i am now and a daily habit now [21:26] <ayli> Ron runs around and chases kids [21:26] <raven^Ron> I get Sunday's off from housework ayli..but not the rules that are specific for me.. [21:26] <raven^Ron> LOL ayli [21:27] <ayli> true.. [21:28] <raven^Ron> If one is feeling overloaded, how would you handle it? [21:28] * {sonja}JP does think that the BDSM or Play part can be taken tooo far.......and therefore get overloaded [21:28] <raven^Ron> Yeah it can sonja.. LOL [21:28] <ayli> ask politely for a break? [21:28] <morgyn_BL> well assuming one has good communication lines open in the relationship, talk about it. [21:29] <raven^Ron> Ron: I would discuss it and possibly give a break until I said otherwise..let her get her feet back on the ground.. [21:29] <raven^Ron> works for me ayli :) [21:29] <missyinchains> be open and honest and talk about your feelings [21:29] <bellakitty> i just can't imagine needing a 'break'..... [21:29] <raven^Ron> what if you're afriad of saying you're feeling overloaded, stressed out, or such?? [21:29] * morgyn_BL can.... [21:29] <{sonja}JP> ahhhhh [21:29] <bellakitty> i can see needing to discuss things. [21:29] <raven^Ron> Ron: If you're afraid of saying that, something else is wrong because you should be able to talk to your partner... [21:29] <missyinchains> hmmm been there afraid to say anything negative [21:29] <{sonja}JP> is that from BDSM or outside it ? [21:29] <raven^Ron> yup [21:30] <bellakitty> so was i missy...i just divorced him [21:30] <{sonja}JP> lol [21:30] * {sonja}JP raises her hand.......me tooooo [21:30] * blackrose{LnR} glares at raven{Az} and mutters quietly.. [21:30] <raven^Ron> I walked out..couldn't divorce him..wasn't married to him.. LOL [21:30] <raven^Ron> bot off [21:30] * morgyn_BL left her fear in Texas =-) [21:30] <blackrose{LnR}> Yes raven^Ron. [21:30] <missyinchains> i just asked for and got my freedom back :-) [21:30] <raven^Ron> Ron: Good for you morgyn_BL [21:30] <raven^Ron> good for you missy :) [21:30] * {sonja}JP is NOT scary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 [21:31] <raven^Ron> What about outsides tressors, can they make it more difficult to do the overt dominant or submissive actions? [21:31] <raven^Ron> Ron: you mean like kids? <laugh> [21:31] * missyinchains is kinda still out in never never land wondering what to do [21:31] <raven^Ron> yeah that would be one of them...or jobs...or money or something... [21:31] <{sonja}JP> yeah......they can.... [21:31] <morgyn_BL> yes [21:32] <bellakitty> they do not make it more difficult for me TO submit, but they make it difficult to make the time for it. [21:32] <raven^Ron> Sometimes, I find outside stressors make it difficult for me to obey/submit as easily ... [21:32] <bellakitty> that is true raven...but Draco handles those times differently [21:33] <raven^Ron> how does he handle them bella? (curious, you don't have to answer if it is too personal) [21:33] <bellakitty> he can see what i need, sometimes more clearly than i can.... [21:33] <morgyn_BL> overt amounts of homework and stress at job can make it hard to let go... the feeling of responsibility and the NEED to get that stuff down hinders making time for BDSM [21:33] <raven^Ron> usually others can see things about a person more readily than they can themselves... [21:34] <bellakitty> like in that post......he can tell when i need to release thru tears...and will force them - sometimes thru gentleness, sometimes thru pain...many ways... [21:34] <raven^Ron> ahhhhhhh..makes sense :)) [21:34] <bellakitty> So, rather than overload being bad...he will 'force' overload for my benefit... [21:35] <raven^Ron> Ron: good point bella [21:35] <bellakitty> As long as there is good communication - for me - i cannot see a reason for a 'break' [21:35] <raven^Ron> Ahhh yes...that brings about the question of forced overload (sensory)....through scening or what have you...do you think it's a good thing or a bad thing? [21:35] <bellakitty> overload is something to communicate is all [21:35] <{sonja}JP> and i think they come naturally in a relationship... [21:35] <bellakitty> it is an incredible thing.....happy smiles [21:35] <morgyn_BL> well speaking of outside stresses.. ihave have to go finish homework for tomorrow and get ready for work... night yall! [21:36] <freja{C}> good luck morgyn_BL [21:36] * morgyn_BL hugs and waves to everyone... [21:36] <missyinchains> i think forced overload could be both good and bad [21:36] <raven^Ron> what comes naturally sonja? [21:36] <raven^Ron> explain please missy [21:36] <{sonja}JP> natural breaks [21:37] <raven^Ron> brb [21:37] * veronica needs to leave and tahnks everyone for a pleasant first visit... night all [21:37] <bellakitty> i agree sonja....it is like an ebb and flow... [21:37] <missyinchains> well if as a submissive i am not in the right mindset then forcing anything could be mentally bad...however if it is a learning experience and recognized as such the it is good [21:39] <raven^Ron> I"m sorry all...but r/l has just exploded...I need to go...