By definition, domestic violence is a pattern of behavior that one intimate partner or spouse exerts over another as a means of control. The two persons do not actually need to live together for it to be considered domestic violence. In a non-BDSM relationship abuse might be defined as non-consensual dominance and control. Remember that abuse doesn’t have to be physical. Abuse can be threats of any sort that are used to manipulate, isolation, stalking and many other ways.

Domestic violence knows no socio-economic, cultural, geographical, class, color, sexual orientation, or religious borders. It has been a dark secret in many homes for sometimes generations. It has even been used as comedy material in TV shows such as the “Honeymooners” . Having seen the TV show when I was a child, I thought it was funny. (Showing my age here.) Later on, while watching a rerun of the show my teenage son asked me to change the channel. Seeing Ralph Kramden yell at his wife that way and threaten to hit her made him uncomfortable. Yes, his comment surprised me, but had I not started seeing the show as a child I might have reacted in the same manner.

Anyone can be a victim of domestic violence. Women and children are the usual targets, making up 95% of the victims, but there are about 5% that are men. Even unborn babies are affected. (Article on this later.) Domestic Violence is never a one-time event. There may be profuse apologies and many promises but 99.9% of the abusers who do not attend extended anger management/abuse prevention counseling do it again. Even among those that complete an anger management/abuse prevention program of at least 5 months duration, studies show that GREATER than 90% abuse again. These are not very good odds. I have yet to find any statistics to show that if Biblical counseling is included the success rate is higher. As with any type of counseling, the person truly must desire change.

Abuse is NEVER OK!

If anyone tells you that-they are lying! Abuse is not your fault. Nothing you have done or ever could do is bad enough to deserve abuse from anyone. You have a right to feel safe. You should not feel ashamed to seek help if you are abused.

Romans 8:16 Now if we are children, then we are heirs–heirs of God and coheirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory

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If you feel you are in an abusive relationship, get help now!
You can take the first step by calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) (TDD 1-800-787-3224) or go to http://www.ndvh.org .

Note: Nothing on this page should be taken as a substitute for professional assistance.