Why A Masochist 1: Debora

Why A Masochist 1

In thinking about masochism I have wondered why I enjoy the sensation of pain. For me, it makes me feel alive. Our bodies function so smoothly that vital things (such as breathing) are only noticed when they're *not* functioning, or functioning badly. Pain is a sort of checking if everything is still there, and functioning properly. Pain is what the doctors apply to babies to welcome them to this world. It is a good sensation to actually feel your heart beating, and that is what pain, fear, excitement, etc. cause.

There are times in which I do and do not enjoy pain. I only enjoy pain when *I* have the desire to feel alive. That's why pain from surgery, for example, is not a good one. And note that, at times, pain is not even necessary. Just the thrill of holding a sharp knife and moving the eyes from knife to flesh may be good enough for that feeling. I consider myself a sadomasochist, and many believe that the sadism in me is higher. But that is just because it takes me longer to feel alive when I'm inflicting pain, than when I'm receiving it.

Many have asked if one's need for pain play increases, I never paid attention to that, but I think that it does. At least, it's logical to think that it does.

A masochist is not neccessarily a submissive and vice versa. In fact, I could easily picture a slave beating her/his masochist master/mistress. If pain is something that brings pleasure for the Dom(me), the slave should be able to give it. That doesn't mean, either, that the slave must be a sadist too, since
it's not about her/his pleasure that we're talking. In my case, I'd even prefer if the said slave didn't have any streak of sadism. That would bring me double pleasure: feeling my own pain; and feeling her/his discomfort by having to do give me that pain. *g*